Truthiness or Consequences

I realize that a blog as important as PatRoW is read by some serious political heavyweights, all of whom pray nightly that I won't brand them a "douchebag". I respect the great influence I wield, and it pains me when one of my fans falls so low as to plagiarize my brilliance.

Discussed on last night's Colbert Report was the McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum's study about how more Americans can name the five members of the Simpsons family than can name the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment. You remember, it was the same story that I covered on Wednesday (thank God for the time/date stamp – truly one of His more miraculous creations).

Now I can't begrudge Stephen Colbert – or any other hard-hitting journalist – from reporting on the study; it is, obviously, the story of the year (who cares about an illegal war, nuclear proliferation, government corruption, etc., when we can bemoan the fact that Americans watch too much TV?). My problem is that Mr. Colbert got lazy last night and used the EXACT LANGUAGE I used when I broke the story. Do you expect anyone to believe that you spontaneously came up with an identical "redress of grievances" joke? Please – you're funny, but not PatRoW funny.

If I were not above such petty measures, I would steal bits from the Colbert Report in retribution. Lucky for the show's star, I need not stoop that low.

Unlucky for him, I have this to say: Stephen Colbert – you're dead to me.