…and no brown M&M’s!

It's no secret that Dick Cheney is a manipulative douchebag, but now there is confirmation that he's a diva when staying in hotels:

"Vice Presidential Downtime Requirements," the heading of a document posted Thursday on the Smoking Gun Web site [was] confirmed as authentic by Mr. Cheney's office.

The document listed 13 requirements. Among them were these: All televisions sets in Mr. Cheney's hotel suite should be tuned to Fox News, all lights should be on, and the thermostat set at 68 degrees. Mr. Cheney should have a queen- or king-size bed, a desk with a chair, a private bathroom, a container for ice, a microwave oven and a coffee pot, with decaf brewed before arrival.

The vice president should also have four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite and four to six bottles of water. He must have the hotel restaurant menu, with a copy faxed ahead to his advance office. If his wife is with him, she should have two bottles of sparkling water, either Calistoga or Perrier.

Other demands that the Smoking Gun was not able to confirm include:

· Eye of newt

· Toe of frog

· Wool of bat

· Tongue of Dog

· Three pints of a virgin's blood

· Huey Lewis and the News' Greatest Hits

· The New York Yankees 2006 Media Guide

· Scott McClellan's soul

· The latest edition of Fat Farmers' Wives Bare All

· Soil from his native Transylvania

· Season Two DVD of The Gilmore Girls

· A diamond-encrusted sarcophagus