Liar, Liar, Pants Ablaze

It's been entirely too long since PatRoW has taken a run at our president, who makes it entirely too easy to attack his transparent and self-serving policy. Well, the simpleton spoke yesterday to the Foundation for the Defense of Democracies…giving us an opportunity to study some of his lunacy and lies:

THE PRESIDENT: Thanks for the warm welcome…

Uh oh…looks like we got us one of "those" types of audiences. Apparently, our president only makes public speeches in Stepford.

… I also want to thank the members of the board of the Foundation for the Defense of the Democracies. I want to thank Steve Trachtenberg, the President of George Washington University, and his wife, Fran, for joining us today. Thanks for letting me come to your campus. I'm honored to be here.

Holy shit! Now I know why we lost to Temple and got a #8 seed! Mr. Trachtenberg – I don't care how hot your daughter is; cow-towing to Dubya brings you dangerously close to making my list.

He informed me that my dad will be giving the graduation speech this year. (Laughter.) And Mother is getting an honorary degree. (Laughter.) Smart man. (Laughter and applause.)…

Oh no you didn't. Steven Trachtenberg, you are officially a douchebag.

…The mission of this Foundation is to defeat terror by promoting democracy -- and that is the mission of my administration.

You know, as long as by defeating terror we can line our pockets.

…And so America is committed to an historic, long-term goal: To secure the peace of the world, we seek the end of tyranny in our world.

Tyranny at home doesn't count.

…Next week, we will mark the three-year anniversary of the start of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Or as it's called in some circles, Operation Cluster Fuck.

In less than three years, the Iraqi people have gone from living under the boot of a brutal tyrant, to liberation, to sovereignty, to free elections, to a constitutional referendum…

to living under the boot of another brutal tyrant. Gotta love that circle of life shit.

…By their courage, the Iraqi people have spoken and made their intentions clear: they want to live in democracy -- and they are determined to shape their own destiny.

Funny, I thought the intentions they made most clear was the desire to get us the fuck out of their country.

… In the weeks ahead, Americans will likely see a good deal of political maneuvering in Iraq -- as different factions and leaders advance competing agendas and seek their share of political power.

Little do they know that my agenda is the only one that matters.

…The terrorists know they cannot defeat us militarily -- so they have turned to the weapon of fear. And one of the most brutal weapons at their disposal are improvised explosive devices, or IEDs.

We have to find a way to stop the terrorists from using these IEDs, since God hates abortion and all kinds of birth control.

… The terrorists are losing on the field of battle, so they are fighting this war through the pictures we see on television and in the newspapers every day.

That's right – America's free press is really just a pawn of the terrorists.

…The stakes in Iraq are high. By helping Iraqis build a democracy, we will deny the terrorists a safe haven to plan attacks against America.

Even while forcing Iraq to build a democracy, we have fostered for the terrorists a safe haven to plan attacks against America.

…May God bless the families of the fallen. May God bless our troops in the fight. And may God continue to bless the United States of America.

As long as we believe in Jesus. That means you, Jewey.

…

For those living with blinders, the NY Times explains the motives and timing of Bush's speech:

Mr. Bush has expressed concern that televised images of the continuing violence in Iraq, especially between Shiite and Sunni Muslims, is further undercutting support for the war. In advance of the speech, one of Mr. Bush's aides said last week that "at various moments, we have had to get the president out there to reassure people, re-explain the strategy, and make it clear that we have a long-term approach."

But the frequency of those presidential messages seems to be increasing as the situation in Iraq grows more volatile. When Mr. Bush last gave a series of speeches on Iraq in December — timed with the release of a National Security Council document called "Our National Strategy for Victory in Iraq" — the effort temporarily halted a decline in both his approval ratings and support for a short-term exit strategy. Both have fallen in the past month.

So to clarify: the media is too obsessed with reporting the facts, and that makes people mad at me. I need to speak to a hand-picked group of rubes and spin the situation so it looks like I know what I'm doing. Maybe then people will stop hating me.

How presidential. I will give credit where it is due – this guy is probably the second-best president we've had all millennium. I love you, Dubs.