As a tribute to my mom and the leftward-leaning ladies in her office, I'm posting this fun animation here...you know, just in case any of you lose your BackwardsBush keychains, or BackwardsBush calendars or BackwardsBush ringtones.
Enjoy!
Showing posts with label mommy dearest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mommy dearest. Show all posts
Thursday
Wednesday
Quick Hits: Rebel without a Cause
Has it really been a week since the election? Did the Democrats really win both bodies of Congress (I guess I'm the only one who doesn't count 49-49-2 as a win)? Shit…what am I going to get all hot and bothered about now? How about this crap:
Have you heard my rape joke? Maybe it's written for women, and maybe I'll never read one of the articles, but Salon's "Broadsheet" employs the world's best bad headline writer. Remember this one?
Fed up – there's schadenfreude and then there's ironic schadenfreude. Click here to read what might be the last interview Kevin Federline gave as a married man. Also, you can finally learn why the single "Papozao" didn't make it on K-Fed's new album (I'm sure the question has been keeping you awake at night).
Missing in Action – OK, so I can't speak – or write – French. Get over yourself, Kerry.
O.J. Simpson to discuss killings – You gotta hand it to OJ; the guy sure has balls. Not content with literally getting away with murder, the Juice has written a book entitled "If I Did It" in which he discusses how he would have killed Nicole and Ron…but he didn't kill them…this isn't an admission of guilt…but even if it is, fuck you, double jeopardy and all that shit. And which revolting TV network is airing a two-part interview with OJ? Actually, I suppose that's not much of a challenge; I mean, what other network would I call "revolting" and what other network would glorify and glamorize a killer who thumbs his nose at our legal system?
And I'm still talking about OJ…not Rumsfeld.
Does Hillary have a Friend in Iowa? – damn, I love a good conspiracy theory. Especially, one in which a vast liberal network conspires to diminish the value of state primaries and set their party's presidential ticket 23 ½ months before the election. Here's the thing, and I have repeated it too often – Hillary can't win a general election, and she's smart enough to know it. My guess/hope is that Hillary is stepping up as the front-runner now and will absorb the right's attacks until summer 2008 (she's been taking their best shots for almost 15 straight years…she can handle it). Then, seemingly "beaten", Hillary will step aside and a phoenix-like Democratic candidate will rise from her ashes to carry the left and pose an attractive alternative to millions of independents who would never have voted for New York's junior senator.
Monday
The PatRoW Manifesto
I was in New York this weekend, and spent some time discussing politics with one of PatRoW's most loyal readers – a conversation that helped me crystallize a few important ideas before tomorrow's election:
Talking points – though the self-inflicted damage has been reasonably limited this year, Democrats have still been guilty of confusing rubes the electorate with criticisms of one another and alternate (sometimes conflicting) messages. Republicans, on the other hand, do nothing better than presenting a unified front delivered in simple, and endlessly repetitive talking points.
Think back to the 2004 election and how many times were we bombarded with the notion that John Kerry was a flip-flopper. Sure, he gaffed with his "I voted for the war before I voted against it" line, but here's the thing – he was justified! If not for the Dems' politically cannibalistic natures, our response would have been that Kerry cast aside partisan politics and doubt to support the President of the United States when he made his case before Congress. When proof was discovered of Bush's deception and betrayal, Kerry led the charge against the president's illegal war. Of course, Democrats hemmed and hawed and idiots today still think Kerry is an elitist flip-flopper.
A solution, as Bill Maher suggests, is to come up with some talking points of our own. But I'm afraid this won't work either, and it's because of fundamental differences between liberals and conservatives. Republicans are "ends justify the means" people; they don't mind recycling someone else's verbiage in the effort to win. Democrats tend to be idealistic and care about the process as much as – or more than – the end result. We seem to prefer losing elections over giving up an ounce of our individually reached opinions.
And lose we do…too often…in homes and elections across America.
Two black sheep – speaking about John Kerry, he has officially disappeared from the campaign trail. Of course, I maintain he did nothing wrong, and even – for once – rebutted his critics properly. Yet conservatives continue to harp on Kerry's flubbed joke and may be able to use it to stem the tide of lost congressional seats.
Let me make this clear to the kind of people who probably aren't reading this – John Kerry should be an election non-sequitur. And let me make this clear to the kind of people who are (or should be) reading – so should Ted Haggard.
Haggard is a hypocrite, clearly, and most likely a liar as well. He's admitted to some of the allegations against him and denied others. We will probably never know the full truth, but we do know this – his transgressions hurt this country's "moral majority" movement, but we hurt liberal causes by politicizing the scandal for our own benefit. I don't believe that the Ted Haggards of the world are good people because of what they preach, but I similarly don't believe they are bad people because of what they (allegedly) practice.
Of course, basking in the schadenfreude is perfectly OK.
Illegal immigration – Some news show held an election focus group in a Columbus, Ohio diner. One key topic came up there that has come up across the country – illegal immigration.
There's a line in "The Usual Suspects" in which Kevin Spacey's character opined that "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist". Well, the greatest trick the Republicans ever pulled was convincing the country that "liberal" is a 4-letter word. Their second-greatest trick? Convincing Middle America that illegal immigration is a problem affecting their lives.
People of Ohio – listen closely because I'm only going to say this once. You didn't lose your assembly line and/or manufacturing jobs to "border-jumping wetbacks"; you lost them because our economy has become increasingly global and technology-based. The noble blue collar, dirty fingernails jobs that supported your family for generations have a limited role in 21 st Century America. This is unfortunate for you, of course, but illegal immigration is not the problem. What's the solution? Encourage your kids to learn Mandarin, Arabic and how to program your computer (setting the VCR clock just doesn't cut it anymore). At least they'll get to live the American dream you were unfortunate enough to miss out on.
Scandals, Lies and Doing Something about It – do you know anybody who is still undecided about the election? Well, the first step is to find out if your town allows the comatose to vote. The second step is to show them this – a "hit list" of atrocities perpetuated by the Interloper's administration in the last two years alone…clearly reason enough to persuade any independent with a brain that our country needs a change. Or, enough to shut up any conservative who likes to lie about how the world is a safer and better today than it was a few short years ago.
Talking points – though the self-inflicted damage has been reasonably limited this year, Democrats have still been guilty of confusing rubes the electorate with criticisms of one another and alternate (sometimes conflicting) messages. Republicans, on the other hand, do nothing better than presenting a unified front delivered in simple, and endlessly repetitive talking points.
Think back to the 2004 election and how many times were we bombarded with the notion that John Kerry was a flip-flopper. Sure, he gaffed with his "I voted for the war before I voted against it" line, but here's the thing – he was justified! If not for the Dems' politically cannibalistic natures, our response would have been that Kerry cast aside partisan politics and doubt to support the President of the United States when he made his case before Congress. When proof was discovered of Bush's deception and betrayal, Kerry led the charge against the president's illegal war. Of course, Democrats hemmed and hawed and idiots today still think Kerry is an elitist flip-flopper.
A solution, as Bill Maher suggests, is to come up with some talking points of our own. But I'm afraid this won't work either, and it's because of fundamental differences between liberals and conservatives. Republicans are "ends justify the means" people; they don't mind recycling someone else's verbiage in the effort to win. Democrats tend to be idealistic and care about the process as much as – or more than – the end result. We seem to prefer losing elections over giving up an ounce of our individually reached opinions.
And lose we do…too often…in homes and elections across America.
Two black sheep – speaking about John Kerry, he has officially disappeared from the campaign trail. Of course, I maintain he did nothing wrong, and even – for once – rebutted his critics properly. Yet conservatives continue to harp on Kerry's flubbed joke and may be able to use it to stem the tide of lost congressional seats.
Let me make this clear to the kind of people who probably aren't reading this – John Kerry should be an election non-sequitur. And let me make this clear to the kind of people who are (or should be) reading – so should Ted Haggard.
Haggard is a hypocrite, clearly, and most likely a liar as well. He's admitted to some of the allegations against him and denied others. We will probably never know the full truth, but we do know this – his transgressions hurt this country's "moral majority" movement, but we hurt liberal causes by politicizing the scandal for our own benefit. I don't believe that the Ted Haggards of the world are good people because of what they preach, but I similarly don't believe they are bad people because of what they (allegedly) practice.
Of course, basking in the schadenfreude is perfectly OK.
Illegal immigration – Some news show held an election focus group in a Columbus, Ohio diner. One key topic came up there that has come up across the country – illegal immigration.
There's a line in "The Usual Suspects" in which Kevin Spacey's character opined that "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist". Well, the greatest trick the Republicans ever pulled was convincing the country that "liberal" is a 4-letter word. Their second-greatest trick? Convincing Middle America that illegal immigration is a problem affecting their lives.
People of Ohio – listen closely because I'm only going to say this once. You didn't lose your assembly line and/or manufacturing jobs to "border-jumping wetbacks"; you lost them because our economy has become increasingly global and technology-based. The noble blue collar, dirty fingernails jobs that supported your family for generations have a limited role in 21 st Century America. This is unfortunate for you, of course, but illegal immigration is not the problem. What's the solution? Encourage your kids to learn Mandarin, Arabic and how to program your computer (setting the VCR clock just doesn't cut it anymore). At least they'll get to live the American dream you were unfortunate enough to miss out on.
Scandals, Lies and Doing Something about It – do you know anybody who is still undecided about the election? Well, the first step is to find out if your town allows the comatose to vote. The second step is to show them this – a "hit list" of atrocities perpetuated by the Interloper's administration in the last two years alone…clearly reason enough to persuade any independent with a brain that our country needs a change. Or, enough to shut up any conservative who likes to lie about how the world is a safer and better today than it was a few short years ago.
Tuesday
Quick Hits: Salon Selective
I subscribe to daily e-mail updates from Salon, which often serve as fodder for my brilliant posts. What happens, however, when I go away and the links pile up in my inbox? That's right – you get an oversized collection of stories and comments…and I have the nerve to call this shit "Quick Hits".
They can't all be douchebags, right? A Washington Post reporter had a very public, yet off-the-record lunch with a blue state GOP candidate (public in that teen heartthrob Bill Frist stopped by to say hello; private in that the reporter was not allowed to name his dining companion). Perhaps the political hopeful asked for anonymity because he had this to say:
Iraq : The war "didn't work" because "we didn't prepare for the peace."
Katrina: "A monumental failure of government."
Republicans in Congress: "We've lost our way, we've gone to the well and we drank the water, and we shouldn't have. You don't go to Congress to become the party that you've been fighting for 40 years."
The president: "In 2001, we were attacked and the president is on the ground, on a mound with his arm around the fireman, symbol of America. In Katrina, the president is at 30,000 feet in an airplane looking down at people dying, living on a bridge. And that disconnect, I think, sums up, for me at least, the frustration that Americans feel."
The president's refusal to admit failure in Iraq: "I don't know why the people around him don't see that. It is a frustration, to say the least. I think it is a lost opportunity to bring the American people along on a mission that is incredibly important."
The outlook: Being a Republican now is "an impediment ... a hurdle I have to overcome. I've got an 'R' here, a scarlet letter ... If this race is about Republicans and Democrats, I lose."
This guy's a Republican? He makes Joe Lieberman look like Dick Cheney! Actually, Joe does a pretty good job of that himself… Joementum my ass.
Mother knows best – my mom first told me about Josh Bolten's transcendent appearance on Meet the Press. But mom – what do you really think?
The latest outrage is that the interloper in the White House (Are you listening, Dick?) vetoed the stem cell bill and had the colossal nerve to say it was not political, but moral for him. I think that man (and most of his administration) is amoral. That was a blatant political move – having those "snowflake" babies and their families on TV. He has no moral fiber in my eyes… I though Tim Russert made mincemeat of the Chief of Staff, Josh Bolton, on this issue. I actually felt (a little) bad for this guy. I mused to dad that they can't possibly pay him enough for him to go on national TV and lie. But I guess they do.
Did I mention that my mom can't call George W. Bush "the president"? For a while, she was referring to him as "the man in the White House". Now, she's all about "the interloper". I think this one may have some legs…
Reading is Fundamental – on some level, you have to respect Karl Rove. No, not on any human levels, but on the way he can mold those around him into saying and doing stupid things (kind of like a balder, fatter, more evil version of Satan). His influence was apparent again last week when his attorney uttered this brilliant quip about the Valerie Plame lawsuit: " The allegations are without merit. We may comment further when we have an opportunity to review the complaint."
The quote truly sums up the Bush administration – a group of douchebags who came to power after recognizing that genuine knowledge is overrated, and reading is for pussy, commie liberals.
A sanctified solution – whenever someone opines that "homosexuals threaten the institution of marriage", I counter by saying that the sanctity of what my marriage is less threatened by gay relationships than by the 50% of straight couples who get divorced. Now, Representative Lincoln Davis (D-TN) has come up with an interesting – albeit tongue-in-cheek – solution:
If the sanctity of marriage is to be preserved, Davis deadpanned, Congress should "outlaw divorce" and make adultery "a felony." In addition, Davis said, "We should prevent those who commit adultery or get a divorce from running an office. Mr. Speaker, this House must lead by example. If we want those watching on C-SPAN to actually believe that we're serious about protecting marriage, then we should go after the other major threats to the institution."
Shit, its logic like this that's going to give Congress a good name again. Someone needs to stop this Davis character.
Better late than never? Representative Gil Gutknecht (R-MN), once one of the House's staunches supporters of Dubya's Folly (ooh, I like that one. Can I trademark it?), now is expressing doubts.
Gutknecht learned during his visit to Iraq that Baghdad is a "serious problem" and "worse today than it was three years ago." Another of Gutknecht's breaking-news discoveries: "We learned it's not safe to go anywhere outside of the Green Zone any part of the day."
It shouldn't take a trip to Baghdad to learn these things; anyone reading any reputable newspaper over the past year would have already known everything that Gutknecht just found out. So why didn't he? Gutknecht says he has been at the receiving end of faulty "spin" from the Bush administration, including claims that the violence in Iraq was being caused by just a few hundred insurgents. "All of the information we receive sometimes from the Pentagon and the State Department isn't always true," he says.
…Gutknecht says that if conditions don't improve quickly in Iraq, "Americans are going to start to losing faith in this thing."
I tell you, if Gutknecht ever loses his seat in the House, I will be the first to nominate him for the largely ceremonial position of Captain Obvious. What's next, Gil? "Yellow snow tastes like pee"? Thanks for the insight, dickwad.
Reason for hope – instead of being Peter Pessimism all the time, here's some reason for hope that our county – and lives – may be better after the November elections. This story includes news that PatRoW's favorite Land of the Lost-turned admiral-turned congressional candidate may actually unseat a GOP incumbent. Good times.
Sunday
Happy Mother's Day!
Although the Mets let us down, my old friend Justin and I enjoyed our weekend in Milwaukee. The highlight was likely on Friday night, when as part of the Brewers’ “Visiting Fan of the Game” promotion, we were showcased on the scoreboard and allowed to give a personal message.
Is it safe to say I’m the best son ever?
Happy Mother’s Day, folks.
Tuesday
The Mother of All Rants
In honor of PatRow’s almost-one week anniversary (a new record for my blogs, by the way), I decided to turn the reigns over to the Mother of the Blog (aka my mommy) for some e-mailed words of wisdom:
She concluded with this reassurance: “In case you think I have fallen into a depression, I have not. Life is good.” Wow, that’s a relief – I wonder how paranoid she would be if life weren’t great…
It's funny-you call me the flaming liberal in the family (which I'm not) and you are the one who sends these negative, unflattering (usually hysterically funny) items about the man in the White House. The part that I thought most interesting [about Bush’s State of the Union address] was that he used the word, "egregious" and that he pronounced it correctly. He probably didn't know what it meant, though. This is all enough to turn anyone away from interest in government. I remember telling you (and, I hope, showing you) that voting was not just a privilege but a responsibility and now I find myself just so disappointed in our government. We are mired in a terrible war that has resulted in way too many deaths and in having reversed the good will our country had gotten from most of the rest of the world after 9/11. The scandals in the government are, I know, nothing new, but they seem to have reached new heights of arrogance and criminality. Our environment continues to be raped, our climate continues to warm, our debt, which had been erased by 2000, is in the TRILLIONS! I am really concerned for you and your children and your grandchildren.Did I say words of wisdom? I meant doomsday tirade (love you mom).
She concluded with this reassurance: “In case you think I have fallen into a depression, I have not. Life is good.” Wow, that’s a relief – I wonder how paranoid she would be if life weren’t great…
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