In an ironic twist, yesterday George W. Bush proclaimed Israel's victory over Hezbollah at roughly the same time Iran, Syria and Hezbollah itself declared a victorious campaign over Israeli forces and American influence. The Washington Post's Dan Froomkin believes that the Interloper's "startling assertion…once again raises questions about his ability to acknowledge reality when things don't turn out the way he intended."
While his word no longer carries any capital, I sure would like to believe the president. Unfortunately, Dubya's press conference speaks for itself (or at least it does when you read between read between the lines). You remember the rules of this game , right?
THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Today I met with members of my national security team, both here at the State Department and at the Pentagon.
I call them my "home" and "away" teams and let Condi choose her own entrance music. I was hoping for something by Metallica or Kiss, but she picked "99 Luftballoons". What it lacks is testicular fortitude, it makes up for in catchiness.
Friday's U.N. Security Council resolution on Lebanon is an important step forward that will help bring an end to the violence…We're now working with our international partners to turn the words of this resolution into action.
Stupid partners. They always want to share stuff and crap.
Responsibility for the suffering of the Lebanese people also lies with Hezbollah's state sponsors, Iran and Syria.
And with terrorism's biggest global fertilizer: my administration.
We can only imagine how much more dangerous this conflict would be if Iran had the nuclear weapon it seeks.
And I can only imagine what it feels like to go a day without a boom boom in my pants.
We've launched a forward strategy of freedom in the broader Middle East . And that strategy has helped bring hope to millions and fostered the birth of young democracies from Baghdad to Beirut.
Yup, lots of hope these days in Baghdad and Beirut.
It's no coincidence that two nations that are building free societies in the heart of the Middle East, Lebanon and Iraq, are also the scenes of the most violent terrorist activity.
I'm telling you, the fact that we invaded Iraq without cause or provocation has nothing to do with it.
The problem in the Middle East today is not that people lack the desire for freedom.
The problem is that the freedom most Middle Easterners crave is the freedom to burn American flags and them little rag dolls that sorta look like me. I told Rummy – "you gotta stop them A-rabs and their Mexican voodoo" but he was all like, "Just sign this, sir," and I was like "Dick, what time does Aqua Teen Hunger Force come on TV?" and he was like "after your bedtime Mr. President" and I said to Laura, "Hey sexy momma - get me a set of pajamas with the little footies attached, cause otherwise, the terrorists have won."
Any time we get a hint that there might be a terrorist cell in the United States , we move on it. And we're listening, we're looking, and one thing that's important is for us to make sure that those people who are trying to disrupt terrorist cells in the United States have the tools necessary to do so within the Constitution of the United States.
Or outside the Constitution, or around the Constitution, or without any regard whatsoever to the Constitution. The tools are the most important thing. And lemonade. You can't catch a terrorist if you're parched, and my anti-terror task forces are the thirst-quenchiest in the world. Does anybody want some lemonade? I'm sure I can get a batch whipped up for everybody…
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