Laughable Offenses

Hollywood has generated a lot of buzz recently, and believe it or not, some of it does not revolve around a confused Kazakhstani's nude wrestling match. No, it seems that some television hosts have abandoned scare tactics and over-dramatized reports to deliver real news and opinions. Crazy, huh?

We'll start with "comedian" Bill Maher, whose profession goes in quotes for two reasons: 1) his stand-up comedy is not very funny; and 2) his talk show is more honest and newsworthy than a certain new anchor's gushing debut interview. Anyway, Maher gave a refreshing rebuttal to much of the administration's lies when he spoke this week about patriotism:

Amid all the 9/11 anniversary talk about what will keep us safe, let me suggest that in a world turned hostile to America, the smartest message we can send to those beyond our shores is, "We're not with stupid." Therefore, I contend -- with all seriousness -- that ridiculing this president is now the most patriotic thing you can do. Let our allies and our enemies alike know that there's a whole swath of Americans desperate to distance themselves from Bush's foreign policies.

Hear that, douchebags? I'm a patriot…and PatRoW is my "one if by land, two if by sea" opus.

Moving on, let's look at blogosphere hero and sports-turned news-turned sports-turned news personality Keith Olberman. Last week, Olberman verbally raped Donald Rumsfeld (he was asking for it); on Monday night, he reflected on how the president has criminally altered the global political landscape:

The only positive on 9/11 and the days and weeks that so slowly and painfully followed it was the unanimous humanity, here, and throughout the country. The government, the president in particular, was given every possible measure of support.

Those who did not belong to his party -- tabled that. Those who doubted the mechanics of his election -- ignored that. Those who wondered of his qualifications -- forgot that.

Terrorists did not come and steal our newly-regained sense of being American first, and political, fiftieth. Nor did the Democrats. Nor did the media. Nor did the people. The President -- and those around him -- did that.

They promised bi-partisanship, and then showed that to them, 'bi-partisanship' meant that their party would rule and the rest would have to follow, or be branded, with ever-escalating hysteria, as morally or intellectually confused, as appeasers, as those who, in the vice president's words yesterday, 'validate the strategy of the terrorists.'

The polite phrase for how so many of us were duped into supporting a war on the false premise that it had 'something to do' with 9/11 is 'lying by implication.' The impolite phrase is 'impeachable offense.'

Now I'm not saying that we should take Olberman's advice and impeach an American president for abusing the trust of the electorate, lying to Congress and breaking dozens of national and international laws, but hell, we have impeached presidents for less. Blow jobs for everybody!