Drunken Aschlochs

Every so often, a drunken escapade can lead to a life-changing epiphany. OK, who am I kidding? Drunken escapades always lead to life-changing epiphanies, only instead of a DUI and a night in jail, mine may change the world as we know it.

A bit of hyperbole? Perhaps…but perhaps not.

You see, last Saturday I drove to Milwaukee with a group of friends, planning to fill an otherwise boring Labor Day Weekend with the Three B's: brewery, brats and beer. The Miller tour went swimmingly, but plans to take in the Brewers-Marlins game were abandoned when we stumbled upon a local Bavarian bar and its fascinating pastime.

The recipe sounds simple enough: take one giant stump, one large mallet, six feet of heavy chain, one square head nail, a door-to-door cannoli and pepperoni vendor (yes, they do exist) who doesn't speak English and mix with a liter of fine German brew. There really is no explanation for why the game was so addictive, but over the next 8 hours, our group hammered over 200 nails into that poor stump (and yes, two of us may now need rotator cuff surgery).

Anyway, the video is on YouTube (someday I'll learn how to put it in the body of my blog)…but the idea is just taking root. Once we get a few venture capitalists on board, you can look forward to "Aschloch" coming to a tailgate near you; we just have to figure out the most cost-effective and risk-adverse way to expose the masses to this dangerous mix of lethal weapons and alcohol. But really, what drunken buffoon wouldn't pay $1 per nail to race his friends in this simple test of brute strength and depth perception? It's a gold mine, Jerry. A gold mine.

If you want to invest in Aschloch, Inc., or know how we can avoid getting our asses sued by the first idiot who drops the mallet on his buddy's toe, please let me know. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that the future of the free world depends upon it.

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PS - and like magic, the video is now on PatRoW!