How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?

Finally, we have a definitive answer about why the Bush administration seems intent on smokescreens instead of addressing issues close to the hearts and minds of the American public: somebody stole his PB&J.

Monday's New York Times reports a disturbing tale of a senator who didn't keep his word…and the president who can't think about anything important because he wants him some deep fried turkey:

The jelling of the McCain-Bush relationship has included a series of gestures, some odd, on both sides. When Mr. McCain visited Mr. Bush at his ranch in Texas during the 2004 presidential campaign, he suggested to the president that he try cooking turkey with a turkey fryer, promising to rustle one up for him. Mr. McCain apparently forgot the promise until White House aides started calling Mr. McCain's office, saying the president was still waiting for his turkey fryer.

This would not have been such an egregious slight, if not for another McCain culinary insult originally reported by Newsweek in November 2000:

Aboard Bush's plane, [John] McCain's chief strategist, John Weaver, had--without thinking--pulled a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich off the snack cart and eaten it. Bush came aboard the plane and asked the flight attendant for his PB&J. She had to tell him it was gone. "It's gone?" Bush said, disbelieving and suddenly angry. "Who ate my peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich?" After a minute Weaver impishly raised his hand. "I did," he said. "Fine," said Bush. "Don't eat any more of his food," McCain cracked, sotto voce. A few people chuckled, and Bush returned to his seat to pout.

Jeez, McCain – why don't you just steal the guy's juice box too, you big bully. Who knew that the senator had so much in common with a P.S . 54 OD (that's "original douchebag")? And will the theft of his favorite, peanut buttery lunch doom Dubya's presidency the way it fractured the reign of a certain 1987 Sharing Club chief executive?

And yes, only one person in the world knows what I'm talking about. What can I say? I play to a very limited constituency.