Hoosier Terrorist

Today's New York Times reports on a Department of Homeland Security list audit that implies terrorists plan to cripple the United States by attacking the home state of America's (or at least, Boston's) beloved Basketball Jesus. Salon bluntly explains the ramifications:

DHS's National Asset Database lists possible targets of terrorist attacks, and… Indiana appears in the database more often than any other state. We're talking one and a half times more often than New York. Twice as often as California. About 21 times as often as the District of Columbia.

Guess which of these "assets" was not named in the Times article: Old MacDonald's Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market, the New York Stock Exchange, Nix's Check Cashing or Bean Fest?

OK, maybe that was too easy (besides, the audit only released the names of some of the more dubiously-named targets. Let's give DHS the benefit of the doubt – even if they don't deserve it – on some obvious selections). However, shouldn't the department be humiliated by the release of this information?

"We don't find it embarrassing," said the department's deputy press secretary, Jarrod Agen. "The list is a valuable tool."

Right…a "valuable tool" in protecting petting zoos in rural Alabama and animal parades an hour away from the third-largest city in Tennessee . Yeah, that seems about par for the course for this administration. But hey, at least the owners, operators, employees and patrons of the targets named are grateful for the government's attention, right?

"Seems like someone has gone overboard," said Larry Buss, who helps organize the Apple and Pork Festival in Clinton, Ill. "Their time could be spent better doing other things, like providing security for the country."

Angela McNabb, manager of the Sweetwater Flea Market, which is 50 miles from Knoxville, Tenn., said: "I don't know where they get their information. We are talking about a flea market here."

Hey Jarrod – will you let us know when you *do* find this embarrassing? We're starting an office pool and I'd appreciate any inside information.