Get ready to cringe at an ungodly number of ‘missionary position’ jokes

(Do you like what I did there? While ironically poking fun at the bad “missionary position” pun, I used a discreet “ungodly” pun myself. That’s clever…I’m clever.)

Ed. note: My blog has gotten comments from two – count ‘em, two – people thus far, so in response to 50% of my audience’s feedback, I’m abandoning PatRoW’s “gloomy political future” tone in favor of an open forum to dissect and critique hypocrisy and lunacy around the world. For those who were deeply invested with my entirely redundant take on the American political landscape, don’t fret – I will still bash Scott McClellan (and friends) whenever possible. For now, however, we move to the “more funny = more better” part of the blog:

In a story seemed better suited as a Saturday Night Live sketch, reports from the UK say that Paris Hilton has been tapped to play Mother Teresa in an upcoming film biopic. Now, on to the punch lines!

• Paris wasn't the producers' first choice, but apparently Jenna Jameson was unavailable
• Sometimes, a good blow job is all you really need to get over a bad case of leprosy, right?
• The film’s tagline: “On the dirty streets of Calcutta, only one woman had the courage to get on her knees and fight”
• Forget screwing black guys to piss off daddy – now Paris will really be “slumming it”!
• In related news, Pope Benedict’s people will neither confirm nor deny that he has been asked to star in the title role of “Hairy and Hung – the Ron Jeremy Story”
• Talk about getting into character – during the filming, Paris has agreed to live as a “technical virgin”. Besides, there’s no proof that Teresa didn’t enjoy ass sex every once in a while.
• Forget the communion wafer, look what else I can fit in my mouth!

That noise you hear? That’s hell, warming up the space heater for my imminent arrival.

'Missionary position' jokes are poised to overtake 'there's room for everyone at the Paris Hilton' as 2006's most overused reference to "America's Slutheart" (© 2006 PatRoW)