And they say that American work ethic is dead...

I don’t know how much press this story got outside of New York, but it seems that Gotham’s mayor has shitcanned a city employee for goofing off on the job. Yes, folks, the evil Mistress Solitaire has claimed another victim.

Edward Greenwood IX was fired Jan. 30 from his job as an assistant in the city's lobbying office in Albany, not long after the mayor spied the [solitaire] game on his computer screen during a Jan. 4 visit to the state capital.

Of course, Greenwood is claiming that he was a dedicated employee and did not deserve his abrupt dismissal. "Any and all work I had to do, I did with a passion," he said.

Reports that Greenwood was fond of French kissing his TPS reports have not yet been confirmed.

If you’re anything like me, a thousand questions raced through your mind. Here’s a random sample of my madness:

2. If you’re paying a guy $27,000 a year, aren’t you asking him to slack off at the office?

46. Edward Greenwood the Ninth? Of the East Hampton Greenwoods? A family’s once great legacy is now ruined. I hear that his son his renouncing the family name, which is a shame because “Edward X” makes one mighty fine signature.

308. Who the hell plays solitaire anymore? I could respect Free Cell, but everybody knows that in the new millennium, it’s all about So Doku.

360. How many more lives does solitaire have to ruin before The Truth dumps its crusade against cigarettes and launches a campaign about the dangers of single-player cards games?

577. Can President Bush get through a game of solitaire without asking his computer, “Do you got any deuces? Damn, go fish again…”?

668. What would Giuliani do? My guess is that he would have had Greenwood arrested and taken to an off-the-grid prison camp. Ah, the good old days of fascism…

832. If you’re 39 years old and earn $27,000, why exactly haven’t you killed yourself already?

833. Why do people think that squirrels are cute, but rats are disgusting? Does a furry tail really make that much of a difference? (Not technically related to SolitaireGate, but a question that popped into my mind none-the-less)

959. If you know the big boss is going to be in town for one day only, don’t you clean up a bit more than usual? Do you think that Greenwood usually used his computer to troll for kiddie porn, but figured that with Bloomberg around, he “better play it safe and stick to card games”?

I don’t know whether to laugh or be outraged about the situation. Perhaps I’ll just forget about it tomorrow.

Yeah, that seems about right.