Hell hath no fury like a Marine’s porn

File this one in the "Who'd have thunk it?" department: a history in gay porn can diminish your chances of being taken seriously as an intellectual and hurt your conservative politics street cred.

 

Shocking – I know.

 

Such lessons can be learned from the cautionary tale of Matt Sanchez, a Columbia University student and Marine Corps reservist who recently spoke at the Conservative Political Action Conference. While at CPAC he posed for a picture with Ann Coulter – a picture that was put under scrutiny after her infamous speech at the same event. The liberal blogosphere delighted in the revelation that Sanchez had acted in gay porn, a work history seemingly in conflict with his conservative views and Coulter's hateful words.

 

Sanchez clearly doesn't relish his memories of life in porn, but he is unapologetic about his choices. He also criticizes the industry as being the impetus that drove him towards his current conservative stance:

 

Porn reduces the mind and flattens the soul. I don't like it. That's not hypocrisy talking; that's just experience. I sometimes think of myself, ironically, as a progressive: I started off as a liberal but I progressed to conservatism. Part of that transformation is due to my time in the industry. How does a conservative trace his roots to such distasteful beginnings? I didn't like porn's liberalism. In porn, everything taboo is trivialized and everything trivial is magnified.

 

While Sanchez's story is interesting and he makes a valid point about "those who complain about wire-tapping reserve the right to pry into my private life and my past for political brownie points", I am most concerned about his accusation about what porn does to its participants.

 

Folks – I have long been a proponent of sending our nation's best and hottest young women into Porno University, but not if the entire industry is really just a front for the Young Republicans. Who could have foreseen that the conservatives would attack one of the left's seemingly most secure flanks? And does this mean that we need to be on alert for a recruitment campaign at DNC headquarters?

 

I mean, they already snagged one of our senators…

'If a teenage girl feels a little prick, she's gonna want to feel a whole lot more’

I'm becoming a Bill Maher fan in spite of myself.

Never too enamored with his stand-up comedy, and merely ambivalent to his various talk shows, I have again and again found myself drawn to the man's writing.

Maher's latest essay is about the controversy attached to the HPV vaccination. You know, the vaccine that's so effective it could completely eliminate this frequent gateway to cervical cancer.

What's the problem? HPV is a sexually transmitted disease, and some prudes seem to think that vaccinating young women against a STD is tantamount to giving them permission to whore it up (like that's a bad thing).

Anyway, Maher makes a number salient points, but his one-liners have rarely been so sharp. I submit:

· If you don't think your daughter getting cancer is worse than your daughter having sex, then you're doing it wrong.

· HPV shots don't cause promiscuity. Tequila shots do.

· If you could use stem cells to prove that life begins at foreplay, the pope would turn the Vatican into a lab.

And about the idea that the vaccine is bad, because the girls "may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex"?

[That] is really a stretch. People don't get the vaccine for typhoid and say, "Great, now I can drink the sewer water in Bombay." It's like saying if you give a kid a tetanus shot she'll want to jab rusty nails in her feet. It's like being against a cure for blindness because it'll encourage masturbation. It's like being for salmonella poisoning in peanut butter because it'll discourage weirdos from spreading it on their ass and calling the dog.

Wait a sec…that makes me a weirdo?

Quick Hits: cancer, rape and genocide – Happy Friday everyone!

It's Friday, it's 10:30, it's time to party. Party on, Quick Hits. Party on, Garth.

Condoms Found to Block a Virus Harmful to Women – And it's not AIDS, the clap, herpes or anything sexy like that. Let me get this straight: as long as I can't catch cervical cancer – and I'm fairly confident I carry a life-long invulnerability – does that mean I wasted my oats-sowing years by wearing a bag? Stupid paranoid 1990s…

Cut 'n' run vs. lie 'n' die – it's headlines like this that get me hungry for Shake 'n' Bake. Or Steak 'n' Shake. Or Cheetos…I'm always hungry for Cheetos.

The facts are bad in Iraq. Karl Rove knows that. Dan Bartlett knows that. President Bush knows that. The American people know that. But as the New York Times is reporting this morning, that is not something anyone should admit in an election year:

"People who attended a series of high-level meetings this month between White House and Congressional officials say President Bush's aides argued that it could be a politically fatal mistake for Republicans to walk away from the war in an election year."

A "politically fatal" mistake? What about the actual human fatalities? The loss of human life is collateral damage, but the loss of power is the real tragedy, right?

Joking about rape to lighten the mood – call me old fashioned, but if you're going to allude to a tasteless and offensive joke, isn't it your journalistic duty to report said joke? Not that I find anything particularly engaging about the premise of raping a convent full of nuns, but still, I choose to reserve judgment until I hear the punch line.

Or I get petitioned by NOW. Those bitches dames ladies can work a picket line.

"President O'Reilly" would run Iraq "just like Saddam ran it" – I'll give you a second to clean up the mess you regurgitated after reading the words "President O'Reilly".

Better now? Good.

It seems that Bill O'Reilly is an unlikely fan of the management style of a certain deposed dictator. On his June 19 radio show, O'Reilly declared that if he were the president of Iraq, his constituents would find his approach to be a familiar one:

So because -- what you have here now is a tipping point in history. A tipping point in history. So you have to win the Iraq situation. Now, to me, they're not fighting it hard enough. See, if I'm president, I've got probably another 50-60,000 with orders to shoot on sight anybody violating curfews. Shoot 'em on sight. That's me. President O'Reilly, curfew in Ramadi, 7 o'clock at night. You're on the street, you're dead. I shoot you right between the eyes. OK?

That's how I'd run that country -- just like Saddam ran it. Saddam didn't have explosions. He didn't have bombers, did he? Because if you got out of line, you're dead.

I tried a bunch of comments here, but nothing captured the arrogance, stupidity and irrelevance that is Bill O'Reilly. Well done, douche – you made my point for me.

Best Study Ever

After a victorious crusade to end the reign of one vicious cunt-rag witch, PatRoW took a much-deserved vacation. Apologies to the tens of you in the deep stages of withdrawal; your suffering days are over.

What lifted me off my lazy ass and back onto my soapbox, you ask? Only the most important topic in our society: teen sex!

According to a study presented at the 2006 National STD Prevention Conference sponsored by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an increasing number of teenagers are participating in oral and anal sex. Damn that's hot…but just how much of an increase are we talking about?

In examining the 1994 medical records of 2,598 12- to 25-year olds, and the 2004 medical records of 6,438 subjects of the same age, attending STD clinics in Baltimore, [Dr. Emily] Erbelding [from Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center] and colleagues found that over the 10-year period the prevalence of self-reported oral sex in the previous 90 days doubled among males (from 16 percent to 32 percent) and more than doubled among females (from 14 percent to 38 percent).

There was also an increase in rectal sex… Among young women, the prevalence of self-reported anal sex over the period rose from 3 percent to 5.5 percent.

Are you serious? One out of twenty high school girls is giving up the old Hershey Highway? How is that possible? When I was in high school, I practically had to pour a six pack of Zima down a girl's throat to get under her bra! I hate being one of those "back in my day" douchebags, but do today's high school guys know how good they have it? And what has gotten into the girls (besides a locker room full of cock)?

You think so, doctor?

You remember in Boogie Nights, when the Colonel's girlfriend was lying on the floor seizing with blood gushing out of her nose and the druggie dude said "I think she did too much coke"?

Well, in just as big of a shocker, it turns out that forcing teenage girls to notify their parents before getting an abortion reduces the number of girls who end up getting the procedure done. Who would have thunk it?

But remember, folks: notification laws aren't anti-abortion…they're pro-parent.

Maybe I should start thinking about getting some better shit.