Boy, I tell you – whoever is writing editorials over at YPC, that guy is good! Remember his whole charity vs. philanthropy thing? Well, now he's back with another, slightly less serious (and, dare I say, more PatRoW-ish?) rant. Some folks might take offense, but I think that's what he had in mind. Enjoy.
(text since copied to PatRoW directly)
Women of Chicago: I write this to you because I care. I love your fashion-forward attitudes mixed with Midwestern common sense. I love your glam, and I love your ball caps. I love that you can pull off ‘cosmopolitan’ without a ridiculous attempt to copy Paris or New York; I love that you can do ‘comfortable’ without ditching your femininity.
Women of Chicago have a style that is both beautiful and unique…and that’s why this intervention is so important.
Ladies, on behalf of men everywhere I tell you this: the whole “UGGs” thing has got to stop.
Now.
UGGs, for the lucky few who haven’t noticed these atrocities on the feet of otherwise sane women around town, are the sheepskin boots in which women often tuck their pants or jeans. I love a good 80’s fad as much as the next guy, but people stopped wearing moon boots around the same time they remembered they had perfectly good full-length mirrors hanging in their homes. Can you see where I’m going with this?
No one is suggesting you wear stiletto heals to trudge through winter’s snow, ice, and slush (although we wouldn’t complain if you made that sacrifice), but please, you look ridiculous. The worst Australian exports since the “Crocodile Dundee” franchise, UGGs need to disappear into the same historical black hole that swallowed Paul Hogan. And yes, we’d rather you wore his leather vest and Outback hat than another pair of down under monstrosities.
Today, not all UGGs are even UGGs (this ghastly crazy is so popular that “UGGs” has become the generic term for multiple manufacturers’ footwear freak shows), but no matter the brand, they all have one thing in common – they make you look stupid.
I hate to be so crass, but ladies, it is entirely out of character for you to perpetuate such an unflattering look. You have so much going for you, but your UGGs tell the world “Why should I care about looking intelligent or attractive? My toes are warm.”
I’m sure most of you will brush off my warnings because – if TV interventions have taught me anything – you can’t change for someone else; you have to want to change dangerously addictive behaviors for yourself. When the weather warms up, you will delicately stow away your UGGs and replace them in daily rotation with those cute Crocs you found on sale last August.
And when you put those rubbery, Swiss cheese looking monsters on your feet, you’ll be hearing from me again.
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