Fun with conspiracy theories

When South Dakota Senator Tim Johnson suffered what was first reported as a stroke this week, the news sent ripples of fear down the spines of Democrats everywhere…and not just because they liked Johnson and were worried about his health. You see, if a Senator dies in office, a replacement may be named by his state's governor. The governor could choose the candidate of his preference, regardless of political party.

Tim Johnson is a Democrat and South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds is a Republican. You see why there was cause for alarm; assuming Rounds would appoint a Republican senator, the Democrats' 51-49 Senate advantage would become a 50-50 split, with Vice President Dick Cheney providing the tie-breaker for the GOP.

And yet, Johnson's "intracerebral bleed caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation" doesn't appear to be life threatening, and after successful brain surgery, he is said to be "appropriately responsive to both voice and touch". So why are Dems still sweating their slim majority? Old fears about the treasonous intentions of one of their own…

That's right, folks – it's time for another Joe Lieberman conspiracy theory!

Perhaps more realistic than the talk about Hillary's nefarious scheming in Iowa, there are new grumblings that the Connecticut senator would consider leaving Congress if offered the job of US Ambassador to the United Nations. The reasons to take the position (perks like "a big apartment in the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, a chance to live in Manhattan rather than Washington and a turn on the world stage in the tradition of the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan") hardly match reasons for declining (the Senate is somewhat prestigious as well), and yet, who can claim to understand a man who claims he has "Joe-mentum" at the end of a losing campaign?

Of course, if Lieberman were to leave office, the South Dakota scenario would come back into play. Connecticut's Republican governor, Jodi Rell, would be allowed to name a replacement. Does anybody else smell a 50-50 split?

And while the post itself would be a draw (last December, it was reported that Bush had offered the job to Lieberman, who thought about it for a week before saying no), the less obvious reasons may make the job so tempting. Perhaps some GOP duplicity (who saw that coming?) could wrest away Democratic majority by playing to Lieberman's ego:

…if the Republicans really want to steal the Senate back before the Democrats take over, they can certainly whisper tempting blandishments into [Lieberman's] ear. How about a nice, million-dollar job with, for instance, the Carlyle Group?

Or maybe even the ego-boosting prospect of another vice-presidential nomination in 2008 -- this time on a "bipartisan" ticket with friend and fellow hawk John McCain?

And for an egotistic, self-serving, ass-kissing, aisle-crossing douchebag like Joe Lieberman, a few delicate strokes (to his ego – get your head out of the gutter) may be all it takes to sell out the Democratic Party one last time.